Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
