this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
