i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
