I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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