what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
