imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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