I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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