I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
