Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
