Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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