I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
