I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
