The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
