I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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