A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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