Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
