are you so shy because you have an std?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
