I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
