Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
