I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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