Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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