All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
