I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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