No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
