The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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