you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
