did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You took a bar mat shot.
Houston, we have a blender
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
