I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
