he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
