I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
