You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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