what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
