I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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