My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I could make wine with my vomit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
