The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
