I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
