What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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