WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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