I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I look better un-naked...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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