I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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