She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
