Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
