so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize