But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
