when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
