playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
