her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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