There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
