You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
