She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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