butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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