I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
