I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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