He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
