I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
