Me too!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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