for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
