I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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