Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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