I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
