it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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