No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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