all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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