His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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