Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
