Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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