A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
