She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
