what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
