I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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