through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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