hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
