i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
