my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize