And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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