I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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